The timeline of how our life has changed since 2010. A stark reminder of how quickly your life can change when you least expect it .

2012 is the year missing that’s the year Levi went to Heaven. That year we escaped to Disney to avoid the pain of waking up Christmas Day and not hearing Levis feet coming down the hall. We couldn’t even think about doing any of the same things we normally did.

The positives from my timeline. Seeing Levi and Victoria makes me smile. Knowing we got to have him in our lives even though it was a short time.

2013 seeing Victoria and River shows such love and renewed hope for all of us. 2014 and 2015 Victoria and River growing up together makes me happy. 2016 they have bond and love each other so much.

The sad part

2016 has proven to be a very hard year for me. This is the 5th Christmas without Levi and River is now 3 years old. In 2011 Levi’s last Christmas on Earth he was 3 years and 3 months old. Panic has kicked in high gear for me, lots of memories flooding back just trying to keep it together for my family. Not wanting to celebrate, don’t want to repeat any traditions we had with Levi. We are trying to make some changes so Victoria and River can enjoy it. I’m a mess but hoping to get through this season. Luckily my husband is doing his best to do what needs to be done.

I was so relieved to see many of my grieving parent friends posts struggling with the same issues as me and also saying the length of time doesn’t stop their pain. I know it hasn’t stopped mine sometimes it feels as if it gets worse but at times it seems to be better. It’s certain things that trigger the deep emotions. Today was one for me.

I’ll be a nervous wreck until we can get River past 3 1/2 and now I’ve heard Victoria saying that too but then saying until river is 7 she won’t stop worrying. SUDC Sudden unexplained death in childhood happens more often in children aged 1-6 but we have many in our support group that lost their kids the same way and they were ages up to 14. 400 children a year die with no explanation.

*when you look at this 2012 was skipped we were at Disney escaping life*